Fried Chicken and Siestas

Naturally everyone is talking about the comment Sergio Garcia made towards Tiger Woods last night at a European Tour awards dinner. Sergio made a comment that he was going to invite Tiger over for dinner in a few weeks at the U.S. Open and serve him fried chicken. A rather funny joke that the twedia is not going to allow. The consummate professional that Tiger is responded on twitter with this.

Tiger Woods ‏@TigerWoods2h

The comment that was made wasn’t silly. It was wrong, hurtful and clearly inappropriate...

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Now to be fair, I was entertained by the fact that Sergio was standing up to Tiger, even though he does not stand close to him on the golf course. Sergio could have said, "Ya, maybe we go to IHOP get a stack of flat cakes and a couple whores." That would have really be entertaining.

Tiger a guy known for being a "former" nymphomaniac with a dirty sense of humor decided to stick to Sergio and have the twitter pawns do his dirty work. Tiger is not offended by this comment.  If I was Tiger, I would have responded by saying, "We should be careful because you might choke." or "Try not to take a siesta the next time you are in the lead." I think in 2013 that would have been funny, but unfortunately golf is historically a stuffy sport which prides itself on honesty and etiquette. It also is historically dominated by white guys. For a white guy to make a black joke about one of the handful of black guys on the PGA Tour... was never going to be good. Although if Ricky Rubio made this comment to Kobe Bryant, I do not think we would have seen such a reaction, nor do I think Kobe would have raked Rubio through the coals.

When Life Gets You Down, Drink Saki

I stumbled upon a new tradition. Well, I don’t know if you can call it a tradition. We’ve only done it once and I mostly made it up out of necessity. My wife and I were having a long week full of first world problems and petty work drama. Knowing that negativity enjoys company, we felt that we deserved a night out.

Booze has been used as a pick-me-up since Jesus turned water into wine. The Devil followed close behind, convincing man that this elixir would erase all problems. But in spite of every bloodshot morning’s revenge we still choose to drown out the next day’s sorrows.

That being said, we had our eyes set on finding a place to eat and begin our bitch session. We heard about a Japanese Restaurant with a rooftop bar that sounded like a good place to start. We ask for their drink menu first. I don’t know what I was expecting but the only alcohol they had was Sapparo beer and Saki. After deciding if we wanted to stay or not we settled on a Sapparo each, both in agreement that Saki taste like warm piss. We jumped right in to our complaints of the work week when suddenly it dawned on me. Sometimes life sucks… you know what else sucks? Saki. “Excuse me!” I hollered as the waiter walked down the stairs, “Would you mind grabbing us a thing of Saki and two shot glasses?” Amanda looked at me like I was crazy.

Let me explain the rules of this new "tradition". As simple as it may sound, you fill the shot glasses with Saki and toast to what has been bothering you the most. Shoot. Pour. Repeat. In contrary to the celebratory shot complete with an Irish blessing and words of congratulations, these toasts consisted of every bitter life complaint we could invoke. All the minor annoyances that bring you down through out the week are quickly replaced by the pungent taste of Saki. After the flavor of rubbing alcohol wears off, so does a life of negativity. By the time the bottle was gone, we couldn’t think of one thing to complain about.

Life is too short to not live on the bright side. So the next time your boss asks you for one too many TPS reports or you find yourself amidst a pity party of epic proportions, just remember, sometimes life sucks… and so does Saki.

Decline of Decency

The benefits of playing sports are quickly dwindling in America and it’s a sad time.  Just in case Michele Obama stops by to read the Pass the Salt Shambles blog it should be mentioned that of course there are still the health benefits of playing sports.  Lots of chunky fat kids have peeled of the pounds from low calorie school lunches followed by a nice gym session dodging, dipping, ducking, diving, and dodging their way to survival.

The benefits that I write about today are the far greater and more powerful attributes gained from playing sports.  The art of winning with dignity and respect while at the same time learning how to lose and remain proud with your head held high.  In a world where now every kid gets a trophy for trying and there are no winners or losers it is a hard thing to teach children how to accept defeat and grow from it.  I could go on like a Southern preacher here all about the ‘generation of winners,’ but I will save the masses* from a lecture on what they undoubtedly already know.

(*the word masses in this sense is used lightly to describe the people reading this blog…however small that number may be.)

Maybe it is my quickly approaching wedding in two weeks that has me thinking about the future and being a good husband and someday father, but watching sports events this last week has me doubting the ability to counteract what my kids will be learning from society and the sports stars of tomorrow.  Sure I can teach my son to hold his head up high when he strikes out, but it’s a little hard to teach him to shake hands with the first place team after a hard loss if everyone gets a trophy.  In the same way I can teach my kids all about sportsmanship and respect, but as soon as they turn on the game on TV they are met with contradiction from their favorite athletes and role models. 

This week with the Heat playing the Bulls it has been a horrible and disgraceful display of the lack of respect and sportsmanship that is turning role models into bad examples and televised sports into something that needs to be censored.  The players didn’t shake hands before the tip in a game…Nazr Mohammed lacked complete self-control with his shove…that crazy fan in Miami flipping off Joakim Noah.  In a much bigger scope there are steroids…full, bench clearing brawls in baseball and football…fans getting killed by other fans…biting (Suarez and Tyson)…the list goes on and on.  So this weekend I turn to a civilized sport and tuned in for the Players only to find Sergio truly acting like El Nino and pouting around the course until darkness cut the pity party short.  At least Sergio and Tiger shook hands after the round.

In a society where everyone who plays sports gets a trophy, the only thing to win might very well be found in character, respect, and sportsmanship.  It is with these very benefits that the best role models in American sports are setting the worst examples.  Can't we all just have a little World Peace in sports.....OR maybe not....